AMKent books

Part 10

We hear Petra stumble into the dining room, and the wizard quickly grabs the documents from the table and clutches them close.

Me: “Don’t try it, Anakin, I have the high ground!”

Petra: “You bitch, you punched me square in the face. I kinda liked it though, like it was a bit dom and I am not usually a sub but it wasn’t the worst.”

STOP SEXUALISING MY BOYFRIEND’S ASSAULT!

Wizard: “You have been orchestrating a mass takedown of all the magical crests, you have been wreaking havoc through trickery and evil magic!”

Huh, turns out there is evil magic.

Petra: “HA! Yes, and your poor daddy, I leaked your mother’s goatse picture, not him, you gonna cwy? Gonna boohoo?”

Wizard: “Alright, punch her again.”

WAIT! Petra, we could reveal all of this to someone, you could be sent to Azkaban.

She sits down and checks her Hello Kitty watch, crossing her legs with a smug look, her shnoz is totally broken also.

Petra: “Melanie, my dear mushroom. I am the council, no one can stop me now. It is too late, but do you hear those footsteps? It is truly over for you all.”

A black man in a black robe enters the room, his hand is glowing with some kind of sorcery, and he smiles at Petra.

Petra: “I would like you to meet your demise. His name? Freud, first name, George.”

…

Wizard: “…”

Me: “…”

George Freud: “What’s a matter? Got a comment to make? Don’t you worry, I have heard it ALL BEFORE. YES, hahaha, yes, Freud, like the psychologist. No, we aren’t related, and NO, I DID NOT CHANGE IT.”

Look, Petra, please just change me back; we don’t care about this whole subplot.

Whilst they are distracted, I grab a scroll from the table and shout its name, pointing my hand at Petra whilst I do so.

Me: “HOWLSMOVINGCASTLE.”

A bolt of light springs from my fingertips, and Petra is frozen; she begins to scream, paralyzed on the floor, manically.

Wizard: “Jesus Christ, dude, you had to cast that one?”

George Freud: “You are a sick man, a very sick man.”

Me: “What? I don’t know, what does it do?”

Wizard: “It makes you both your mother and father on the night of your conception.”

Oh, jeeze…

Me: “Ah, my bad. Wait, fuck that! Why does that spell even exist? And why is it just lying around?”

George Freud zaps her back, and now she is angrier than ever.

Petra: “You sick little fuck, now me and George Freud are going to cast a spell the likes of which you have never seen before!”

WAIT, STOP, FOR THE LOVE OF MAGIC, STOOOOP!

Petra: “…”

Petra, I know deep down there is more to this. You are hurting, you have pain, and it needs to be healed, not inflicted on others. Please, let us help you. This fighting is terrible. An eye for an eye, and the world is left blind. You are not a devil or Satan.

Petra: “Ahahahahahaha, AHAHAHAHAHA, ARGHUUAAAHHAAAHHAAAHHAA. Devil? Satan? Oh no, nonononono, I am much worse, much, much worse. I am a CHAMPAGNE SOCIALIST!”

The two spells from Freud and Petra combine, and the entire room is engulfed in light. I hold Melanie tight, as this may be our last moment together.